The Dreaded High School Reunion
When I found out last week my 20th High School Reunion is the weekend of Thanksgiving this year, I went into a full state of panic. Mind you I haven’t really seen anybody from high school since I left 20 years ago. Not kidding. I think I have seen approximately 10 people, IF THAT. Obviously I see them on Facebook but that doesn’t count. You know, everybody can make themselves look amazing in an Instagram pic but in real life it is a whole different story.
Thanksgiving is exactly 3 months away. Which means I need to figure out some kind of crazy action plan. There is no time for me to get my boobs done, no time really for any kind of plastic surgery. I am just going to have to go about this the old fashioned way, starve to death or get my shit together. For some reason or another, this summer I have gone off the deep end. I don’t know if it is because Zach left for his first summer at camp or I thought I could get away with eating what I wanted for 2 months but my eating habits have been a MESS. I won’t bore you with the 20 meals a day sort of thing but the snacking thing, not great and the drinking thing, A DISASTER I can pretty much tell you I have gone through more bottles of wine than Bottle King stocked all summer.
When I went for a consultation a year ago to discuss “the mommy makeover”, it was exactly what I thought. Dr. Plastic told me that I could do 50,000 sit ups everyday but unless I actually had my stomach perfected under the knife, I would never have the 6 pack I have been dreaming about since I was 20. The other thing is I don’t want big boobs. If I could just have a lift that would be ideal. However, he told me if I just had a lift than I would be even smaller than I am now. I have to get both a lift and implants. He said, though, if I had implants I would never be able to do push ups again. Okay, what? NEVER again? Is that true? What would happen to my crossfit career? Would Leo be screaming at me that my chest has to touch the floor? IF I pushed myself to the floor would my implants burst?? WTF. I have been saving for this special treat for years. I have no idea how much is in that fund because truth be told, I keep hoping the husband will pay for them, lol.
You see, there is this girl in my crossfit class ( don’t we all have these girls) who has a stomach you would not believe..full wash board abs (Like this but this is not her)
I can’t even take the class with her anymore because I am so envious. The whole class all I do is stare at her stomach (very hard not to) which distracts me from the purpose of being there. I keep telling myself the reason she inherited this perfect stomach is because she is not Jewish. Jewish girls do not have 6 packs, not after having 2 kids, right? I think it is genetically impossible to have a 6 pack as a Jewish girl unless 1) you are half Jewish 2) you had your stomach nipped and tucked or 3) BOTH. I apologize in advance if you are Jewish and you have a killer 6 pack. God liked you better than most of us and you are one lucky chick! You should count your blessings everyday!
Now I need to figure out the plan. Since I am not having the mommy makeover in the next 3 months and I am not starving myself, what is a girl to do? I did the P90x thing, Spin, Barre, Crossfit, Yoga….I mean I am not qualified to be on the Biggest Loser or any weight loss reality TV Shows but I would like some kind of transformation. I need to lose 5 lbs. I know you are thinking, 5lbs?? Yes 5lbs on a girl who is 5’2 is like 10lbs on a girl who is 5’5. The issue at hand is my mouth. I can’t shut it. I love to eat. When I did P90X I was so motivated and determined, I really changed my body. I ate clean for three months straight. It was the best I felt in my entire life. I just can’t seem to get back there. I need MOTIVATION. I need someone to come over everyday around 3:00 and lock the pantry and fridge. I need somebody to give me a PLAN. Something that actually works. Results. It has to be diet because I workout, ALL THE TIME. Is it no bread? no sugar? no alcohol? no ANYTHING? We hear it all the time – MODERATION. Yeah, well, I don’t know that concept. A friend of mine who really didn’t need to lose weight, lost 10 lbs and she looks fab. She gave me the number of her nutritionist who I am going to call. The problem is I do all these diets and every time I stop, I gain those 5 lbs back. EVERY SINGLE TIME. The 5lbs that never want to leave me, the 5lbs that cling on for dear life. Now what? Am I going to get the fat sucked out and cheat or am I going to starve to death or WHAT? Please tell me what works because I have tried EVERYTHING! Somebody mentioned those home delivery meals. The meals that are prepared for you breakfast, lunch and dinner. Do they work? Are the proportions miniscule? I feel they would be and I would be starving 10 minutes after I ate it. I looked up the diet if you were preparing for a bikini contest (HA) and you have to eat like 10x a day, cook a million servings of protein and weigh everything. The thought of standing in the kitchen all day cooking is enough to throw me over the edge. I would just eat everything as I prepared it. Worst idea.
I know it is only 5 lbs and I sound nuts but you know how it goes. Everybody goes to their reunion, catches up, leaves and thinks: Sue looks good, Rob lost all his hair, Allison got HUGE, Michael looks exactly the same. We all think these things. It is human nature and the last thing I want is to leave there feeling like a beast. Once I commit, I commit. I just do not know what I am committing myself to except that the next 3 months I need to do something different!
Remember “American Reunion” – I don’t either. I never saw it but now that the reunion is 3 months away, I think I will…
Good morning ok baby girl STOP THE MADNESS!!!! Let’s first chat about those 5 pounds. (I’m a Pilates instructor. 10 yrs older than you are. Recently survived my 30th reunion but more abut that later) the 5 pounds. Here’s the problem. You are within a perfect BMI. Your body thinks it’s perfect. The fact that you might be.a 22 BMI when you’d rather be a 20 does not concern your waistline one bit. So that’s why it’s hard to lose it and why it keeps coming back. (Believe me, I wrestle with this constantly. I just lost 5 YAY! Lbs and hoping for another 5 before the first ones come back!) I go for old fashioned calorie limiting with the rule that I eat nothing artificial, (including diet soda, crystal lite, etc), organic as much as possible, no processed food, and limited (but NOT eliminated) alcohol. Serious limits on sugar. I’m too active for the “no carb” Atkins-esque plans and it seems like you are as well. I’m also not a fan of all these juice cleanses. I think they backfire. Now, BACK AWAY FROM THE PLASTIC SURGEON. I’ve seen your pic. You are adorable. And on that reunion…prepare to be shocked. I’d put $100 on the table that you walk away feeling like the hottest girl in the room.
Ad that girl in the pic? Barely 20 yrs old. And she hopes she gets a life like yours when she grows up. They get to look like that because they have not much else..
I know it’s total madness! lol!! I also know the answer is clean food…it is just so hard and I really have been trying to stay away from anything processed. By the way the girl in my crossfit class is over 35! Thank you for making me feel like a million bucks :)! I mentally need to commit… Ahhh
I know people with implants who CrossFit…I wonder how that works if the no push-up thing is true? Leo would totally make you do chest to floor, haha. And I know what you mean about the 6 pack thing. I’m 28 and don’t have one! You always look gorgeous and I’m sure you’ll be amazing at the reunion.
1) from your photo, you look amazing and I agree with the Tamara, I bet you are getting yoursefl all worked up for nothing. I went to my reunion (after a ton of stress, a million outfits, and added Pilates classes) and was VERY pleasantly surprised that i DID walk away feeling MUCH better about myself than I thought I would. The girls looked good the guys looked TERRIBLE.
2) Forget American Reunion. YOU MUST WATCH THE MOVIE 10 YEARS with Channing Tatum. It’s awesome and it will get you ready for your reunion.
3) Hear ya on the Cosmetic Surgery…a little Botox and some ROC couldn’t hurt, but anything more than that I’m betting your SO don’t need!
4) I’m betting the chick in the picture hasn’t eaten anything except grilled chicken, brown rice, lemon water and cigarettes in months. That’s not living!
You probably know this but…
Jen Meister
908-277-0009
I worked with her on a three month plan before she opened at Vita Organics in Summit. Lost a ton of weight but put some back on due to my son’s travel baseball schedule (and by travel, I mean to Florida!) She has a whole foods organic approach and what I love about Jen is that she went through the diet yoyo madness herself.
Let “us” know what you decide. Would love to share the three month diet/exercise journey with you. We can all motivate one another.
xx
OK, Just read Tamara’s response and she is a wise women! agree completely.
Wow, thanks for that!! “A wise woman.” I may have to print this and hang it over my mirror…but for now, an afternoon run in this beautiful weather and then it’s off to Fire Island to hang out with my boys…no. It doesn’t get better than this. How could it possibly? Have a wonderful day everyone!
You can easily take 5 pesky pounds off using Weight Watchers for two weeks. The only thing is you have to be a certain weight to be able to use the program (I’m a lifetime member, but recently got the boot because I apparently didn’t weigh enough at my last visit – though I too can’t shut my mouth this summer and I’m probably good now 🙂 I love WW because you can still eat normally – you can snack, you can have your chocolate fix – really nothing is totally off limits – I could never go no carbs, no sugar, etc. But, limiting calories and fat, while eating lots of fiber and protein works for me and is a good way to lose!
[…] years later , I would not remember half of them now. After writing the blog 2 months ago about the upcoming 20 year reunion , I decided I wasn’t going. I am friends with many people on Facebook from High School […]